What are you really worth?
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent
Eleanor Roosevelt
I used to think I was worthless and on the verge of committing suicide as a teenager. Then I asked myself, what would my mother think and feel if I were to do so? That gave me a realization that although my mother was very hard on me, she loved me and would feel devastated. I would ruin her life and most likely shock all of my younger brothers and family. I couldn't do that to them, so I decided to continue living and striving for them.
But I thought to myself, is life worth it?
What determines the worth of a thing and, better yet, a person?
If your self-confidence is derived from your sense of belief in yourself, your self-worth is derived from your feeling of Love for yourself.
What determines worth and value?
I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.
Martin Luther King Jr.
I spent seven years buying, selling, and leasing premium domains. We spent millions and millions of dollars. Yet some of them are priceless, even though we acquired them at a considerable financial expense.
When I thought about the value of a person, I wondered, what is an eye worth? A kidney? A heart? A brain? The value of each part but also the value of the mind, the spirit as well as the body?
For things, we determine value by one of the following:
Market value - what others will pay
Replacement value - irreplaceable uniqueness gives more value. Eg. a Davinci Mona Lisa painting.
Sentimental value - what meaning, purpose and feeling it gives you
Utility value - what it does for you
Sacrificial value - what you are willing to sacrifice for it, especially used in the Bible to show the value of a person's life. Eg. sacrificial lamb or scapegoat.
In the past, people bought and sold enslaved people based on their utility value. Now, we pay people for their time and the value they provide. People have come to determine their self-worth by how much they earn, their net worth, and the possessions they have acquired.
But is value externally driven like that of goods, or should value be determined by what's inside?
My mentor's daughter, Heather Harnett, had mentioned to me that the company she was working for was worth over 3 billion dollars. I told her she was worth much more than that. I then asked an audience, how much would you sell your child for? A million, a billion? How much are they worth? Sometimes, we forget just how rich we really are when we take a survey of who we are and who we have around us, warts and all.
The 3 Factors That Determine Self-Esteem
You were born with wings, why prefer to crawl through life?
Rumi
1. Temporal Self-worth
Past self: How you view your history, failures, achievements, and growth
Present self: Current self-acceptance, authenticity and living your values today
Future self: Your hope, confidence in your ability to grow and believing you deserve honour, Love and grace
2. Source of Validation
Internal Foundation: Your character, values, integrity and growth
External Foundation: Marked by your possessions, status, achievements, and others' opinions
3. Transcendent Purpose
With a higher being who has unconditional divine Love, eternal worth and a personal relationship for a purpose greater than oneself that is full of Love, abundance and generosity
Without transcendence: relegated to an ego-driven life, scarcity mindset and self-preservation mode
The 10 Commandments can be summarized into two principles:
Love your God with all your heart, soul, and might
Love your neighbour as yourself
Here, the standard is how much you love yourself, which then dictates how much you can love God and the people around you.
Jesus issued a new commandment, "Love one another as I have loved you." The new standard Jesus set was in how much He loved you. He was willing to leave His heavenly kingdom to come as a man on this earth and sacrifice Himself for you in order to make all your sins disappear through His forgiveness. His Love was expressed as Him sacrificing His life and fully forgiving despite no work on our part. That standard of Love He set as how we should love one another. It's an almost impossible standard. We might love like this for our loved ones, our children, but everyone?
So, how is our self-esteem rooted in Love? What kind of Love?
Loves That Determine Self-Esteem
Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.
Oscar Wilde
Self-esteem is rooted in the different types of Love you have experienced and internalized within your heart.
I realized the great sacrifices my parents made for my siblings and me were their expressions of Love. When I realized the great sacrifice Jesus made for me in order to liberate me from my sins while yet holding me to a greater divine standard, I felt an overwhelming love and sense of worth because the Creator loved me unconditionally. When I received Love from my wife, family and children, I experienced a love that was personal, deep and unconditional.
Divine Love: Unconditional Love that is boundless, eternal and glorious.
Parental Love: First experience of sacrificial Love despite many imperfections.
Family Love: Love with rivalry for place, attention and validation.
Teacher & Mentors: The Love and belief they have in you and your potential.
Friends: Love that is accepting, making you feel a sense of belonging and mutual support.
Enemies: The opportunity to practice unconditional Love and forgiveness while also honouring yourself.
The Revelations of Self-Esteem
Self-esteem becomes unshakeable when it is rooted in divine Love and human Love instead of performance, possessions or praise.
Scarcity transforms into abundance when your comparison to others doesn't undermine your worth, their successes and well-being.
Love flows freely and generously when you are rich in Love.
Life Question:
What are you really worth?
You are not your possessions. You are not your body. You are not externalities. You are not others' opinion.
Reflect on who you truly are and who you want to be
Reflect on your dreams
Reflect on how much you love yourself or not and see if you can truly love yourself
Reflect upon a higher being and a higher purpose than what you imagine and dream for yourself
When I conduct this audit of myself, I feel I cannot put a huge number on it because even among my possessions, there are some that I would not sell at any price. Why would I then sell myself short? The laws of need sometimes elevator us down rapidly to a lack of self-worth and desperation out of a need for food, essential goods, shelter and Love.
Next week:
Self-actualizing Who You Really Are
See you next Thursday!
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